Live the Questions

“Let yourself live the questions.” This is what my therapist told me after I’d recounted what seemed to be the culmination to a relationship that was short lived, but had initially felt promising. I realized as I heard myself explain my confusion about this man’s sudden distance, that I had erected defense mechanisms to protect myself, because I was uncomfortable in the vulnerability of something that had an unclear trajectory. After a slew of disappointing false starts with other men, I’d wanted to convince myself were more able, capable and willing to explore a more committed relationship, I’d subconsciously projected another disappointing experience onto this new man, who at first, had expressed a lot of interest. I hadn’t realized all the ways that I was attempting to avoid discomfort. I didn’t want to make myself vulnerable to something that might end up hurting me. But with anything in life, we can’t experience anything beautiful, or good without giving ourselves over to the experience. Of course we have to have discernment about who is worthy of our time, attention and care, but by preemptively deciding for someone, before giving them and ourselves a chance to experience how we interact, how we love, and how we show up, we don’t allow for the possibility of something good to grow. It’s easy to think we can control outcomes, but usually trying to control outcomes means that we’re not embodied in our experience. We’re living from our heads and not our hearts. There has to be a balance between feeling and thinking, and yet, when we analyze too much, without checking in with how our body FEELS we can quickly fall prey to fear and anxiety.

We live the questions when we show up, even when we are scared.  We live the questions by breathing deeply and letting ourselves be present to the moment.  We live the questions by letting go of expectations and allowing things to unfold.  This practice not only makes life more beautiful, increasing the likelihood we will be surprised and delighted by what transpires and shows up in our lives, but it makes us more loving towards ourselves and others.  Forcing outcomes or fearing outcomes only serves to stifle our relationship to ourselves and those in our lives.  A willingness to create space and explore on the other hand, fosters expansion, growth, kindness and love.  So, when we are presented with new and unfamiliar territory, let’s take a deep breath, exhale and allow ourselves to Be Here Now.