Self-Trust

Often times I write the things I need to hear, here on the blog. Today is no exception. If you are anything like me, you ruminate. You spend more time thinking about doing the things you want to do than actually doing them. I probably spent the majority of my 20’s thinking I wanted move out of the country. I would daydream at whichever dead end job I was working at, at the time about escaping somewhere, preferably somewhere with a beach. The more I thought about it, the more excited about the idea I became, but then I’d find some rationale or reason why, right then, my dream wasn’t possible for me. I didn’t have the money. How would I find work? Where would I live? What about my health? I needed to “fix” my body first. Or so I told myself.

Saying I wanted one thing, but never getting the ball rolling to get there, left me in a perpetual state of feeling stuck. I was at odds with myself. I felt confused, disappointed, and unsure of what I “should” do with my life. I’d ask others what they thought. I’d talk a lot about my future plans, but at the end of the day, I didn’t trust myself or Life enough to act on my dreams.

Like all of us, I am a work in progress. I take a step forward and then a step back. As it stands in this era of Covid, I would still love to live abroad at some point, but the future for all of us is unclear at the moment. What I do have control over now though, is building my trust muscle with myself. I’m learning that how I feel (aside from annoying autoimmune flairs here and there), is largely a result of the action I choose to take. If I follow through on the thing I say I want to do, I feel energized. If I don’t, I’ve noticed, my self doubt grows.

I want to live an extraordinary life. I want to experience the wonder of the world, but that requires a willingness to take action, believing that it will produce a result. I want to feel energized, alive, vital, excited. I want to trust that I will keep my word to myself. Whether that’s meditating everyday, maintaining my yoga practice, drinking my celery juice first thing in the morning, saving money in a travel fund, writing a blog post, following through on my commitments to others, letting my yes be yes and my no be no; whatever it may be, I want to show up fully. I don’t just want to think about my life, I want to live it.

How about you?

Sending you all my love. xo