How The Heck do I Heal?!
I know from personal experience what it’s like to feel you are doing all the right things in your efforts to heal from autoimmune disease, yet wonder why the needle isn’t budging. A few years ago I had a roommate who also suffered from an undiagnosed chronic health issue. We would laugh (and cry) about the countless things we had tried in an attempt to feel better. These included; healing diets, green juice, positive affirmations, energy healing, journaling, inner child work, endless supplements, infrared saunas, colonics, parasite cleanses, eating clay, ancestral work, ingesting every tincture imaginable, and conserving our energy as empathic people… We joked about not being able to go out on Friday nights because we needed to stay at home to administer coffee enemas!
It was a relief to feel understood and to poke fun at some of the wild tactics we had employed. But, at the same time, both of us were very, very tired. Tired of hoping that this time, this thing that we were putting our faith in would work. Tired of feeling so bad, when we were putting all of our resources, time and mental and emotional energy into trying to feel good. Both of us struggled to believe that our efforts mattered and that we’d ever get to the root of what was going on in our bodies. It felt hard to trust life and to trust ourselves.
It’s been 4 years since my friend and I lived together, but I look back at that time with so much compassion for what we went through. I smile to think that neither of us quit trying to heal, even though most of the time we felt so very lost. Towards the end of our time living together, I finally got diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. With the diagnosis, I had more clarity about what to do, and didn’t feel like I was walking aimlessly in the dark.
Even though I am still navigating healing, I no longer throw darts at a dart board haphazardly that never stick. I now put my energy towards a few specific things that have proven to be effective. Cutting out autoimmune triggers from my diet and sweating profusely in hot yoga daily to assist in detoxification are two main stays in my healing protocol. I also journal, go to therapy, meditate, salsa dance and sing (to experience joy and express myself creatively), while setting healthier boundaries for myself so that I feel supported instead of depleted. I’ve learned to sit lovingly with myself and ask my body and heart what they need instead of scouring the internet for the latest healing trend that promises an instant result. Self-trust and Self-compassion have become my most prized healing tools. When once, I frantically looked outside of myself and my experience for answers, I now listen to my body’s cues and respond accordingly with love, knowing that small steps accumulate and produce healing results over time.
I know how lonely this journey can be, but know that if you don’t give up, you will find your way. The path will become clear. If you can, forgo coffee enemas on Friday nights and instead, do something that will bring you joy - something that reminds you of how alive you are and how much hope there is for your future. :)
Sending all my love. xo