Whew, this year has been relentless. It has revealed to us what needs to be changed and how we might move forward collectively. It has challenged us to slow down and to sit with all of the pain of the moment, and all of the unknown. It has made clear how tenuous and fragile life is and how precious our health and relationships are. It’s shown us what is out of balance socially, politically, relationally and ecologically, and what needs to be cared for and healed.

There’s a message that has been coming up for me a lot the past few days in podcasts I’ve listened to, yoga classes I’ve taken online and daily devotional readings and e-mails I’ve received. The message is that there is no real transformation without pain. We cannot separate ourselves from our ego identities to get to the core of who we truly are and what matters to us without experiencing pain. Our wounds become an entry point for grace. A place to let go of pretense and perfectionism. A place that reveals what we actually value and where to put our time, attention and love. A place that reveals just how much we too, need to be able to receive love without trying to be anything or anyone other than who we are.

The last 6 months have been incredibly challenging for me. There’s been a lot of relational pain, financial uncertainty, health frustration, anxiety over the pain and suffering so present in the world, and just last week, my family had to put down our beloved dog. It’s been a very painful year. There have been days where I didn’t know how to sit with all the pain I’ve been experiencing, but I committed to show up to it, because I know that the only way out is through. I’ve chosen to believe that this pain is informing my purpose. I’m choosing to believe that through it, I’m becoming a more whole and integrated person. I’m choosing to see it as an opportunity to grow and heal so that I can help others along their path. My pain has shown me outdated narratives that I’ve held onto for far too long. It’s shown me where I want to grow and evolve. It’s shown me where I still feel like a victim, and the more beautiful life I want to create moving forward. Although at times, it’s felt unbearable, it’s truly been transformative.

My hope for all of us as we continue to confront the pain and uncertainty of this year is that we allow it to strip away all that hinders us from being embodied as our truest selves, and keeps us from walking the path that is uniquely ours to walk. I pray that we become full of love, conviction, passion and purpose, pursuing that which truly matters, and opening our clenched fists and letting the rest go.

When things fall apart, there is possibility that things can start to come together in ways that are more perfect than we could have hoped for. I’m holding onto that hope and I hope you do too.